The subject recently came up on Twitter about the strange things you end up knowing from novel research. It’s a favorite one of mine because you can’t help but retain bits of information that when repeated in polite company make you look like a psychopath.
Random Person: Joe got in a car accident yesterday.
Me: Is he okay?
Random Person: Yeah. He punctured a lung, but the doctors said he’s going to be fine.
Me: Yikes. Can you believe that some people get collapsed lungs for literally no reason? Like, they’re just walking along and bam! Lung collapsed, trouble breathing. Some people it happens to regularly.
Friend: (watching a crime show) Can’t they just dig up the body and test the DNA?
Me: Depends what’s left of the body. Flesh is all gone by this point. And depending on the soil acidity there might not even be bones left anymore.
Yup, it’s interesting, to say the least, being friends with a writer. I’m full of all kinds of useless* facts and frequently frighten my friends and family.
* It’s actually all completely necessary. Knowing what to do if you’re confronted with a bear could come in handy someday!
So, without further adeau here’s a few of the miscellaneous pieces of information I’ve acquired while doing research that may or may not make me look like (more of) a lunatic on a daily basis.
1. Hearing aids are itchy, sweaty, and are pretty gross at the end of the day.
Ear wax gets everywhere, ya’ll.
2. Getting a family member’s body exhumed is a lot easier than you’d think.
It requires a judge to sign off, but moving Aunt Judy’s body to a closer cemetery isn’t that much of a hassle.
3. If you live in a building with a doorman, depending on his duties, you might not need to hire someone to feed Fluffy while you’re on vacation.
They’re also very useful if you frequently lock yourself out of your apartment or get heavy packages delivered.
4. DNA and blood testing results do not happen quickly.
Most take weeks or even months to come back from the lab and contain a lot less useful information than shown on TV.
5. A child with selective mutism may talk perfectly normal at home but clam up the second they are in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable situation like school.
They also might speak to selected people in that environment, often whispering in the person’s ear.
6. You can’t inherit a rent controlled apartment in NYC unless you can prove you were living with the relative for at least a year prior to their death.
Basically, forget everything you learned on Friends.
7. There aren’t any bears in Maine that are likely to attack, and even then the chance of you being killed are statistically minuscule.
(To my dismay, as I required a bear to attack two young boys in that particular story)
8. Depending on the soil content and the conditions under which the person was buried, bones can decompose in a matter of decades, leaving little to no trace of the murder victim.
Which would be a much less interesting episode of Bones.
9. A large percentage of foster children wind up homeless within a year after aging out of the system.
A haunting statistic.
10. Probably the easiest, least traceable way to kill someone is by injecting air into their veins, causing an air embolism which is often written off as a heart attack or stroke.
I swear I’m not going to kill you*.
*Outside of a book. And probably only is you piss me off.